Waiting for spring

Sorry for dropping off the edge of the earth. Been busy, and nothing new or interesting to say, really.

Managed to schedule my committee meeting. Painful. Ow. Anticipate future pain, at approximately annual junctures. Ow ow ow.

Alternately trying to avoid and shamefully indulging in the gossip flying thick and fast around the lab. Yikes! A lot of it tends to be of the "wtf is the boss thinking" type, which...seems obvious, most of the time? Or maybe I've just been reading too many blogs and now have an inside scoop on the PI perspective. Or maybe I'm deluding myself. *cough* Either way, my meetings with the boss have been going pretty well, so as far as I know I'm doing things right. And I will try not to gossip too much. I promise.

Finished one milestone in my work, which means I've switched gears and started working on another aspect of the project while I wait for stuff to happen. There have been several false starts on that front (ie: pretty much all of last week going to waste, le sigh) but this is normal, especially for new students, yadda yadda yadda. I know the drill.

...but there have definitely been times when an experiment goes kablooie and one labmate looks at me funny, "wow, I've never seen data that horrible before," and I mope around for a couple hours before finding out that another labmate had trouble with that technique all the time when they were starting out. Arg.

So far though, I've been able to keep the "gah I suck at this" stress level at a (low!) basal level.

So, question for the Internet! What should I blog about? Why student seminars suck? Why journal club is awesome? What I wish someone had told me when I first joined the lab? Also, what is it with people not using referencing software? Isn't that horribly, awfully painful? Gah! My kingdom for an Endnote license.

Ok, goodnight now. Lots of science to do tomorrow. May your gels have the clarity of a summer brook, and all your reactions run to completion. Minion out.

The Grad Student's Creed, Part 1

Fig 1. Creed. No, not that one! Man, the graphics department here sucks.

1. I will not be a smartass towards my PI, even when s/he is oblivious.*

2. I will not get into arguments with my fellow students over technicalities of technique.

3. I will not gossip about others in the department, even if it's toooootally scandalous!

4. I will write.

5. I will write.

6. I will write.

7. I will not procrastinate on sending emails.

8. I will ask for help.

(to be continued...)

* Not admitting anything (...yet), but I need the reinforcement.

Committee Meeting Scheduling Fail!

Yeeks.

So I knew that scheduling committee meetings was going to be tricky, but I had no idea just how true that was.

So far there is no time in a 3 week period when I can get all 3 of them in a room together.

Oh well, not an insurmountable problem. Just annoying.

For the record, I'm using www.doodle.com to do this (as suggested by some of my fellow students) The name is awful and I hate the emails it sends, but it appears to work.

Now if only the calendar gods will cooperate.

Research proceeds. No complaints.

Grad Student Psychology: I'm a lucky sunnuvabitch, now I have to step up

Warning: I've tried my hardest not to make this post whiny, but it might enrage you anyway. Readers with heart conditions, the elderly, pregnant women, and those with compromised immune systems are encouraged to exercise caution.

I have been very lucky.

I got into research relatively early in my undergrad (although this was by my own effort, there was certainly some luck involved in it to working out, especially since I had (have?) no idea what I was doing.) I worked in a variety of fields on some solid projects (and some not so much, but whatever). One of these brought me in to contact with a faculty member from BRU, who graciously agreed to write me a reference letter, which is probably how...

I was accepted into a graduate program I was probably unqualified for. (on paper anyway. As I understand these things though, that may not mean that much, so maybe this isn't that big a deal. But my background is definitely a little odd)

I had extremely positive rotation experiences. One got my name on a paper, and another even produced real data (gasp) that is resulting in follow-up experiments (shock, horror), and none with absolute failures (the one that produced the least, science-wise, was also the one most out of my field of experience, so I learned lots that will probably come in handy some day.)

Finally, I've joined a lab at a time when the larger project I am part of is just taking off, and it's well placed in a context that is relatively less-studied (since I keep running in to questions the answer to which is "no one really knows") but important (judging by some recent reviews. But there's probably observation bias there). And our approach will add a lot. I think. As well, the PI is fair but demanding, and supports his students well. The members of the lab are, nearly to a person, pretty kickass, supportive and helpful, and a riot to work with.

In fact, it seems like everything is perfectly set up for me to do some great work.

Which means it's all up to me now: I can't hide behind circumstances not being optimal or the fact that no one really expects much of me. The science won't be easy, there are some non-trivial problems to solve on every side (as in, I'm still not sure if this is mathematically possible, much less realistically feasible), and parts of it depend on skills that I don't think I'm that good at yet. So I'm really not confident that I'll be able to make this work. Which is kind of scary.

If I'm going to get through the next ~6-12 months with anything resembling success (which does not mean "lack of failure"--I understand that failing regularly is part of the game :) I need to get over myself & my fear of failing. At the very least, I need to stop it from preventing me from getting shit done.

If anything, this is what could most likely trip me up. So that's why this is here. It's my public kick in the pants to (hopefully) prevent me from sabotaging myself. Yaaaay.

Obvious post #267

On the plus side, no one could ever accuse my boss of not being clear about what he wants from me.

On the minus side, he wants an update and I'm not done as much as I wanted.

In the long term I think I'm well off, but right now...FML.

Update: predictably, I was totally overreacting and I apparently know what I'm doing (mostly). Onward! Added 'whine' tag because this merits it.

Lesson learned

Every time I go home for a holiday I feel more disconnected from the rest of my family members. I guess this is what they call "growing up"

Goals, part 2: New Years Resolutions

In case you've been living under a hunk of granite, it's a new year. 2010 in fact. Also, a new decade commences. And most importantly for this publication, my graduate career starts in earnest. Some readers may recall quite clearly this juncture in their training; for others it may be a little foggier ;)

Fig 1: This guy has no idea what year it is.

2009 was a great year for me. I did a ton of cool shit, learned lots, set myself up here at BRU (although to be honest some important parts of that happened in 2008), moved (again), traveled, and generally had a good time. I'll feel lucky if 2010 is nearly as awesome.

By this time next year, I'll necessarily have completed a few things: chosen a committee (stay tuned for more on this, probably), survived a couple of committee meetings, completed some course requirements, given a few presentations (at lab meeting, journal club, to fellow students. Not the full department though, that'll be in 2011). Late in the year I'll be submitting a fellowship application. These will all happen no matter what. (by the way, I'm not sure how my department compares with most in terms of how structured the graduate program is, so this may be kind of odd or totally normal) Of course how well all of this goes depends on me, but it will all occur one way or another. More interesting are the things I have control over:

My next big goal is to publish a first author paper. I was lucky enough to have some great research experiences during undergrad and supervisors that were (IMHO) pretty generous with authorship, but at this point what really matters is to be Number One. Unfortunately, there's no way this is happening this year, so this paragraph shouldn't really be in this post at all. But there it is.

So what about this year, then?

Well, things get a little more nebulous. I'm trying to plan out my project and decide which of several possible side projects I should try. (by the way: any tips on project management/etc for science/grad students are gratefully welcomed since I have never done anything this big or long-term before, and this project is a doozy--I need all the help I can get). So there are some project-specific goals, but they're kind of boring, and my plan will almost certainly be out the window by March. But I'm making it anyway, because I think it helps.

Also work-related: I want to improve my organization skills, especially as regards my lab book. I'm not the most organized person by nature, and although I've made progress here, in 2010 I'd like to really keep a tidy lab book.

There are some personal things I'd like to do as well. Healthwise, I don't smoke and my diet is pretty good (and I'm lucky enough not to have much weight to lose, other than a few holiday-related pounds....ahem). That's the good news. But I get next to no exercise, other than walking to get around which I do a lot and enjoy.......in the summertime. I want to get over my fear of the gym and actually GTFin there. Once. At least. Baby steps, OK? As well, I haven't been to see the doctor/dentist in ages, and I really should. Insurance isn't a problem, but I'm in a new city and have to find someone to go to. I also need new glasses, and I suspect my vision is continuing to worsen so my prescription probably needs an update. So those are 3 things I want to do in 2010.

I also want to cross a couple things off my todo list for my apartment. Having a comfortable environment at home is important to me. I did a few things when I first moved in (and had more time...) but it needs work still.

Finally, I'm setting a date--probably April/May--to revisit these goals and others, and take stock again. I've never been much of a yearly resolution person anyway, I much prefer the 4-month school term as a yardstick, and I see no reason not to continue this way even though I'm no longer in classes. Now I need to get off Blogger and back to doing real work.

So here's wishing you a happy 2010, with lots of hot science, cool people, peaceful days, long nights at the pub, puppies, kittens, love and friendship, and kickass data.